Sarah's testimony

~My testimony~

               This is me. Awkward smiles, self conscious, doubtful, forgetful, sinful, cowardly. I have told lies, made other people believe I am something I am truly not. I have disobeyed my parents like it was an unwritten rule the world had made. I have gossiped about others, friends that I cared about and lived with regret, knowing I had hurt so many people. I fought jealousy, wishing I had, had what other kids had. A big house, expensive electronics, the newest clothes, parents that idolized their kids with big birthday parties. It may not seem that big but for someone who thought they had so little, those things I coveted within myself and it ate me alive, more than I liked to let on. I hid many of my feelings, only sharing certain things with one of  my close friends, but even then I still fell into a never ending whirlpool of lies and deceit. I was a broken mess. 

             This was me and this is how amazing Christ is and how He worked in and above anything that held me back from seeing who He truly made me to be. He can do the same for anyone, anyone who takes the time to actually see how He is working in your life, in the midst of your brokenness, doubt, sin, and those who want to take on grace and mercy, not judgment. This is my story, and I hope that by sharing it, it might even encourage one person out there, either way both Hannah and I are always open to talking.  We have made an Instagram account called _peculiar.treasures_ and would love to hear from you! Meanwhile here we go...

I grew up in a loving home surrounded by family that loved me and wanted the very best for me, especially when it came to my walk and growth in Christ. Literally from the day I was born I began going to church. I always went to church with my parents, it was part of the weekly routine of things. You get dressed up and then learn a Bible story. At this point in my life, as a very young girl surrounded by people that loved the Lord, I think I thought that it was just a story, nothing more. I had probably learned every story there was to tell by the time I was six years old, but I always had one consistent question that I would ask my parents about at the dinner table (don't worry we will follow up ;) 

My dad was diagnosed with cancer, that had progressed to stage three. At the time we had been living in New Jersey, but my grandparents had moved, and my dad had just gotten a job in Maryland. My dad began getting chemo therapy done, all while my mom and I stayed in New Jersey packing a never ending, stream of boxes. At this point, all I wanted was to be with my dad. I was six years old now, and although I didn’t know or understand everything that was going on, I knew the situation was pretty serious and that anything could happen. My mom and I would sit on the stairs of our townhouse just crying and praying that somehow, we could get through this. During this time, I saw the courage and the strength God was giving both my parents in this situation, but I still didn’t understand where this supernatural peace was coming from. I was confused. 

We eventually joined my dad in Maryland and once again that question began filling in my mind about the “supernatural” or basically heaven and hell. I would sometimes ask, “Mom, dad, when I die where will I go?” I was now seven and by now there had been plenty of talk about God, but I was like is this all there is? Is just here, what is right in front of me is that all? My dad would usually reply, and some may see this as harsh at first, “Well, honey, you would go to hell…” This scared me. The thought of being separated eternally from my parents and those that called themselves believers or born again, people that I had become so used to and loved! The idea that this is not something to joke about, it is serious, an eternal decision, hit me in the face and suddenly, I felt urgency. After one night of answering and contemplating, as much as a seven-year-old could, I decided to pray with my parents to begin this new journey in Christ. Although I felt comfort in knowing that I was now going to be with my eternal family in heaven something was still missing--commitment. I still had much to learn but this time God was watching me, and he was my true coach.

 As I grew up and went through the younger grades I was immensely jealous of what other kids had. From the newest toy, to both of their parents being so involved in their life. Meanwhile, my family could not afford very much except mostly necessities and my dad could not play with me very much because he was still going through the recovery of so much chemo and in and out of hospital time. I began lying a lot to other kids. Telling them things that I wish I had, material things, that would some how bring me satisfaction when I felt so empty. By the time I was almost in middle school I felt tired. Spiritually tired. All those years of lying, feeling sorry for myself, falling prey to Satan’s traps, and pride, I felt ashamed. I knew something had to give and it was me. I had to turn the life I once led right over to Christ once and for all, the past, present, and the future.

 I came to my mom and one day, we sat and talked. I told her about the many things I had done, that had put me in this pit of sorrow, grief, and separation I felt between my family and God. I confessed the sins I had fallen into over the years. I knew I couldn’t bear this weight anymore. We prayed together. Laying it all down and confessing to Christ. It was a liberating sensation that I will always remember. Even though it took me so many years to finally see that God had something better for me He still led me to it, even though I didn’t deserve it at all. My whole outlook and attitude about life changed and now and forevermore I can call myself a sinner saved by grace, a daughter of the Most High, and one of those believers I never wanted to be separated from when I was so young. 

It is not just a title I bear with me now, but a light, the Light of Christ that is now in me, and He continues to work in me. God continues to move in so many miraculous and personal ways. My dad has now been cancer free for almost 12 years and he has been able to use his story to reach so many for the Gospel, and like him I want to do the same. God has given me the opportunities to share my story with many people and He has brought incredible friends in my life, who like me want to know and follow Christ forever. I have been blessed to go on amazing mission trips to love and serve the Lord in many ways that I didn’t even know I was capable of. He has shown me that though I am so unworthy and so dirty from sin, I can live in grace and redemption no matter what I have done, and I can share that with everyone! 

To me it is not just a story book, but truth and active and just waiting for someone to ask questions and one day receive this gift of salvation that I decided to receive as well. I have joy and purpose in my life now, and know how I should live. I continue to learn so much, even from the mistakes I still make today and every day. I see how unworthy I was and yet so blessed I can walk with Christ for the rest of my life. There is no going back for me. I know now where my eternal home is, and that Christ alone is the only perfect sacrifice for my sins. There truly is not greater love than this. This is how Christ has brought me to Him, and I pray that each and every one of you at some point sees how much God loves you and wants to have a real relationship with you, right where you are, right now. Thank you for letting me share my story and if any of you want to talk at all I am here. 

Your Forever Friend,

Sarah