The Relationship Talk
Last night I got inspired, and I recorded a ten-minute voice note about relationships. 😂 I decided to transpose it here for you guys so that you can hear my thoughts on this. I hope you enjoy, and please go into this understanding that I'm not trying to condemn anyone if they don't agree with me--I'm just saying my point of view. (Also, all Scripture that I reference will be written out at the end of this blog post. 💘 Love you guys, and hope you enjoy!)
The other day I was reading this thing, and it was like, "Things That All Boyfriends Should Do for Their Girlfriends," and it had so many unrealistic expectations on it, I could hardly finish it. I was like . . . no. No, no, no. 😂 First of all, every relationship is different. There are different balances with different personalities and different compatibilities.
(Of course there's always the Christian, Bible-focused baseline of that the man is the leader and the initiator in the relationship, but at the same time the woman isn't meant to be his slave, she's meant to be his partner. There's that passage, I think it's in Ephesians 5 or 6, talking about marriage relationships, and it says that the man is the head of the woman. Not under his feet as a slave, not by his heart {because the heart is deceitful above all things, Jeremiah 17:9}, but the head, so that they are intellectual partners. I just love that analogy so much. 💓)
Most people nowadays have the idea that a relationship should be 50-50, and I'm definitely not saying that a woman should let herself be overpowered by a man, but it's like the Bible says (I think it's in that same passage in Ephesians)--a woman's job in a romantic relationship is to submit and reverence our husband, and likewise a man's job is to love his wife in a relationship. And God makes a point of telling us this because we're not naturally inclined to do it. I know from personal experience that women (myself included) can be very controlling. I've become aware recently of how much of a control freak I actually am, but in reality I just need to accept the fact that I can't change people. You hear so often, empowered women are like "You can't change him," but that's true for all people, you can't change them. They have to change from within themselves, through God.
So, yeah, every relationship is different, and every person in this world is different, and that's why some people just aren't compatible with other people, like puzzle pieces, certain pieces don't fit with other people, because that's just how God made them.
I don't wanna say that you should go into a relationship with no expectations at all, but I'm also not encouraging you to go into a relationship believing that if he doesn't buy you flowers for every date, open every door for you, bring you little gifts, or not acknowledge that there is not another female in this world aside from you--I'm definitely not encouraging that because that's unhealthy. But at the same time I'm not encouraging you to go into a relationship without any expectations at all, because I believe you should know what you want. And I also believe you should know what you want based on what it says in Scripture. You know, like, you definitely shouldn't go into a relationship looking for sex because honey, that's just infatuation and that ain't gon' go nowhere. (I mean, if you're looking for a broken heart and a not-lasting connection, then by all means, go ahead, sweetie, that's your choice. But I pray to God that you would choose not to do that, that you would choose to guard your heart like it says in Proverbs, and like it says in Song of Solomon, to not awaken love until it's good and ready because if you do so, then that will eventually create the healthiest sort of relationship and the strongest sort of relationship.)
Of course, this is all dependent--I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this 😂--this is dependent on if he is a Christian too and also believes the same thing you do. And I know if you're in any way involved in the church, you've probably heard the term "be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers"--you might even have heard that term outside of the church. And what that means is that Christians should not become closely involved (romantically or otherwise) with non-Christians because you're letting them into your heart and thus allowing them to influence your mind and your morals and all that. BUT I have something I'd like to add to this little tidbit--I believe that you should also not become romantically involved with believers who are significantly less deep, less mature in their spiritual walk than you because it could have a detrimental effect on the relationship in the end. If your faith is super deep, then you're intimately familiar with the Scriptures, and you know what you believe. And then if he just got saved three months before he met you, he doesn't know what he believes yet; he's still a baby Christian.
And I'm not saying there can't be exceptions, I mean, there can be someone who was a Christian for 10 years but they're still a baby spiritually; and likewise someone who got saved a month ago can have the passion and the drive to continue growing spiritually. So I'm not saying there can't be exceptions, but you just need to be aware of your partner's point of view before you get involved with them, because it could have ill effects in the future, especially if you get married. And that's why I feel like a large period of time during which you're just talking as friends is really important, because you have some time to get an idea of who they are as a person, and what their morals are, and what they believe--I feel like once you establish that both of you are in agreement with what I call The Important Stuff, then that's when you can start to let yourself view them as a possible romantic prospect.
That's just my two cents on the whole thing. I feel like you should get to really know the person before you start dating them, because the end goal of dating should be for marriage to see if you're compatible for a long-term relationship. I mean, why enter into a relationship with someone if you don't even know what they think about tattoos, or Catholicism, or the Roman Road?
This is just my point of view, by the way. I am in no way trying to condemn you if you don't believe the same thing that I believe, I'm just saying my point of view in the hopes that maybe I can get you to consider another point of view, because I believe hearing different perspectives of like-minded Christians is really important in finding out what you yourself believe. And I also believe that the more information you have, the wiser decision you can make.
So, yeah, that's all I'm going to say about that, and I hope at least some of this made sense and could possibly help someone someday. 😂😊
With love, H xoxo 💝
The Relationship Talk
The other day I was reading this thing, and it was like, "Things That All Boyfriends Should Do for Their Girlfriends," and it had so many unrealistic expectations on it, I could hardly finish it. I was like . . . no. No, no, no. 😂 First of all, every relationship is different. There are different balances with different personalities and different compatibilities.
(Of course there's always the Christian, Bible-focused baseline of that the man is the leader and the initiator in the relationship, but at the same time the woman isn't meant to be his slave, she's meant to be his partner. There's that passage, I think it's in Ephesians 5 or 6, talking about marriage relationships, and it says that the man is the head of the woman. Not under his feet as a slave, not by his heart {because the heart is deceitful above all things, Jeremiah 17:9}, but the head, so that they are intellectual partners. I just love that analogy so much. 💓)
Most people nowadays have the idea that a relationship should be 50-50, and I'm definitely not saying that a woman should let herself be overpowered by a man, but it's like the Bible says (I think it's in that same passage in Ephesians)--a woman's job in a romantic relationship is to submit and reverence our husband, and likewise a man's job is to love his wife in a relationship. And God makes a point of telling us this because we're not naturally inclined to do it. I know from personal experience that women (myself included) can be very controlling. I've become aware recently of how much of a control freak I actually am, but in reality I just need to accept the fact that I can't change people. You hear so often, empowered women are like "You can't change him," but that's true for all people, you can't change them. They have to change from within themselves, through God.
So, yeah, every relationship is different, and every person in this world is different, and that's why some people just aren't compatible with other people, like puzzle pieces, certain pieces don't fit with other people, because that's just how God made them.
I don't wanna say that you should go into a relationship with no expectations at all, but I'm also not encouraging you to go into a relationship believing that if he doesn't buy you flowers for every date, open every door for you, bring you little gifts, or not acknowledge that there is not another female in this world aside from you--I'm definitely not encouraging that because that's unhealthy. But at the same time I'm not encouraging you to go into a relationship without any expectations at all, because I believe you should know what you want. And I also believe you should know what you want based on what it says in Scripture. You know, like, you definitely shouldn't go into a relationship looking for sex because honey, that's just infatuation and that ain't gon' go nowhere. (I mean, if you're looking for a broken heart and a not-lasting connection, then by all means, go ahead, sweetie, that's your choice. But I pray to God that you would choose not to do that, that you would choose to guard your heart like it says in Proverbs, and like it says in Song of Solomon, to not awaken love until it's good and ready because if you do so, then that will eventually create the healthiest sort of relationship and the strongest sort of relationship.)
Of course, this is all dependent--I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this 😂--this is dependent on if he is a Christian too and also believes the same thing you do. And I know if you're in any way involved in the church, you've probably heard the term "be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers"--you might even have heard that term outside of the church. And what that means is that Christians should not become closely involved (romantically or otherwise) with non-Christians because you're letting them into your heart and thus allowing them to influence your mind and your morals and all that. BUT I have something I'd like to add to this little tidbit--I believe that you should also not become romantically involved with believers who are significantly less deep, less mature in their spiritual walk than you because it could have a detrimental effect on the relationship in the end. If your faith is super deep, then you're intimately familiar with the Scriptures, and you know what you believe. And then if he just got saved three months before he met you, he doesn't know what he believes yet; he's still a baby Christian.
And I'm not saying there can't be exceptions, I mean, there can be someone who was a Christian for 10 years but they're still a baby spiritually; and likewise someone who got saved a month ago can have the passion and the drive to continue growing spiritually. So I'm not saying there can't be exceptions, but you just need to be aware of your partner's point of view before you get involved with them, because it could have ill effects in the future, especially if you get married. And that's why I feel like a large period of time during which you're just talking as friends is really important, because you have some time to get an idea of who they are as a person, and what their morals are, and what they believe--I feel like once you establish that both of you are in agreement with what I call The Important Stuff, then that's when you can start to let yourself view them as a possible romantic prospect.
That's just my two cents on the whole thing. I feel like you should get to really know the person before you start dating them, because the end goal of dating should be for marriage to see if you're compatible for a long-term relationship. I mean, why enter into a relationship with someone if you don't even know what they think about tattoos, or Catholicism, or the Roman Road?
This is just my point of view, by the way. I am in no way trying to condemn you if you don't believe the same thing that I believe, I'm just saying my point of view in the hopes that maybe I can get you to consider another point of view, because I believe hearing different perspectives of like-minded Christians is really important in finding out what you yourself believe. And I also believe that the more information you have, the wiser decision you can make.
So, yeah, that's all I'm going to say about that, and I hope at least some of this made sense and could possibly help someone someday. 😂😊
With love, H xoxo 💝
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. || Proverbs 4:23 NIV
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you, by the gazelles and by the does of the field, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. || Song of Solomon 2:7 NIV
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? || 2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. . . . Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. || Ephesians 5:22-33 NIV
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