The Modesty Struggle - H
I know this struggle well. We're close friends now. We go out for coffee every Tuesday morning.
For real though, I know the modesty struggle. In the winter it's yoga pants and sweater-dresses; in the summer it's short-shorts and string bikinis. In this generation, young Christian women are finding it increasingly difficult to be modest and fashionable. Lucky for you, I have lived eighteen years in quite possibly the most conservative Christian household in the Western Hemisphere, so I know a thing or two about modesty.
Before anything else, I need to say something. First of all, I take 100% responsibility for what I say in this post. (There's going to be some juicy stuff, so prepare yourself.) I do not mean to offend anyone at all, but when dealing with this type of topic, it's impossible to speak the truth and to not offend anyone at the same time. And before anything else, I believe God has placed it on my heart to speak the truth. Lastly, I know this can be an area of great insecurity for many girls, myself included. Sometimes hearing it is hard, and I totally get it if you're not in a good place to hear a gentle rebuke right now. (I wouldn't blame you if you clicked out of this post right now; I still love you, and I want you to know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk, rant, or just need some support. DM me @_peculiar.treasures_ on Instagram, or on my personal Insta @hannah.baenana. Sister, you are loved.)
Okay, now let's get to the good stuff.
When it comes to clothes, there are 3 main things to remember:
- Respect God.
- Respect others.
- Respect yourself.
Before we go any further, let me define respect. I know that in America, respect (and equality) is a big deal. But sometimes I think people have different definitions of the word, and so I want to explain to you what I mean when I say respect.
When I searched the word on Google, the dictionary referred me to the word "consideration." I will put the definition here:
consideration (n.) 1. continuous and careful thought 2. a matter weighed or taken into account when formulating an opinion or plan 3. thoughtful and sympathetic regard
How fitting that each of these definitions correspond to each of my three bullet points! I'm getting warmed up now--buckle your seatbelts.
(1) Respect God.
As I have said before, God should always be first in your life, above everything else. He is your Creator, your Savior, and your Father. He is more than deserving of your respect, and He 100% cares about what you wear.
The first definition of "consideration" is "continuous and careful thought." When thinking about what to wear, you should always give continuous and careful thought to God. Of course, this prompts the question, "What does God think of clothes?" You already know I am going to quote some Scripture. 😂 (And don't give me that "it was different when the Bible was written" excuse--the Bible is still as completely and totally relevant today as it was when it was first written. 😝)
Here is what God says about what to wear:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment . . . rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV)This Bible verse is circulated a lot in the Christian community, but don't become jaded to it! One of the most dangerous temptations is letting yourself become apathetic toward Scripture simply because you've heard it a million times. Girl, let me tell you a thing--there is always something new to learn from each and every verse, regardless of how many times you've heard it! And 1 Peter 3:3-4 is such an awesome verse--I'd fully recommend writing it on a card and taping it to your mirror as a constant reminder of the goal.
Anyway, how does this verse relate to modesty? Well, it comes back to outside vs. inside. Which one is more important to you? If you had to choose one, would you rather choose to be known for always being stylishly dressed? Or for being a holy woman of God? If you hesitated at all in answering that question, sister, you need to review your priorities. (Read: 10 Things God Wants His Girls to Know)
And here's the truth: outward beauty is temporary. Bodies change, skin sags, weight materializes in the worst possible places. Don't build your self-worth on a temporary foundation. Because one day that foundation will crumble.
Good news! Inner beauty never fades. Now, I know some of you are rolling your eyes at the words "inner beauty"--another phrase that is used ad nauseum. (Read: too much.) To those of you who think that inner beauty is overrated/imaginary/not worth it, I have a story to tell.
It was the summer of 2017. Every morning when I got up, I read my Bible. Every night before I went to sleep, I spent at least half an hour in prayer. I actively pursued God, and I was happy. I was content in Him, joyful in pursuing Him.
In July I met a boy. It was during a VBS in the height of summer, and quite frankly, I wasn't trying at all--we're talking no makeup, hair in a bun 24/7, everything 100% natural. I was so focused on God that I didn't notice the boy romantically, but he sure noticed me. Fast-forward to this very moment, and we are approaching five months together.
Now, answer me this: why did that boy notice me? It wasn't because of my flawless makeup, because I didn't wear any. It wasn't because of my beautiful hair, because it was up all the time. It wasn't because of my stylish clothes, unless you consider a VBS t-shirt and jean shorts to be stylish. 😂
No, he noticed me because of my inner beauty. Because I was completely and totally in love with God, and I was chasing Him with my whole heart.
There is an expression: "Dance with God, and He will let the right man cut in." Inner beauty is worth it, ladies. Don't short-change yourself. You're priceless, and God knows that the best type of beauty is the kind that comes from chasing Him. Never forget to respect that.
(2) Respect others.
The second definition of consideration is "a matter weighed or taken into account when formulating an opinion or plan." Something that really irritates me is when these court cases of rape come up in the news, but the girl gets off scot-free even though she was wearing booty shorts and two triangles of fabric taped to her tits. I'm not saying she deserves to rot in jail or anything, but doesn't that make you angry? So many secular sources are screaming "WOMEN CAN WEAR WHATEVER THEY WANT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT."
no
no
no
no
no
Admittedly, this topic is a tightrope, and I know I could potentially get some backlash, but I swear I'm coming from the best place possible, and I don't meant to offend anyone--you're all screaming out your opinion, so give me half a second to scream mine.
Let's start with a verse. (A very good place to start, in my opinion.)
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV)Wow. I'm the one writing this, and my mind just got blown. Okay, so here is how this verse relates to modesty: your body is a temple.
When Paul says that our bodies are temples, what he means is that we literally house the Holy Spirit. As soon as you became a Christian, the Holy Spirit came to live inside of you. So, in the end, modesty isn't about fashion at all; it's about who you glorify. Are you glorifying God with those short-shorts, or that revealing neckline? If Jesus appeared in front of you and saw your outfit, would you be embarrassed?
That was a bit of a tangent. Sorry. 😂 Let's talk about boys. 😏
First of all, BOYS ARE NOT ANIMALS. And they are 100% responsible to comport themselves as respectable gentlemen of God.
But are you adding to their struggle?
Here's the deal. Many of the secular clothing manufacturers don't give a crap about modesty. As young Christian women pursuing modesty, it's our job to hunt down the cute modest clothes! Train yourself to fall out of love with the fashion trends you know Jesus wouldn't like. Cute modest clothes are rare, but they do exist. Personally, I like the challenge--the hunt for a fabulous outfit worthy of the daughter of a King. 😎
As far as modesty boundaries, everyone has a different opinion. If you're a floor-length skirt kind of girl, that's awesome. If you're a yoga pants and long shirt kind of girl, that's awesome too. I might do a mini blog post about my own personal modesty boundaries, but for now I'll leave it at this: you don't have to dress like the world in order to look like a queen. Don't give up; think of all the cute modest clothes out there, waiting for you to discover them!
(3) Respect yourself.
The third bullet, and definitely the one I struggle with the most, is "respect yourself." The third definition of "consideration" is "thoughtful and sympathetic regard."
Body-image. One of my many weaknesses. A soft spot.
I feel like the temptation for girls within the Christian community is to hate their bodies, to wonder what's wrong with them, to wish they could change--because all our lives we've been led to believe that we cause rape, that we should cover up, that we shouldn't love our bodies.
Sisters, that is all so wrong it makes me want to cry. You are beautiful. God made you perfectly and purposefully. Here, let me prove it to you.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10 NIV)
In the original Greek, "handiwork" is the same word that is used for "masterpiece." You are God's masterpiece. As an artist, this concept speaks volumes to me. I'm not a quick sketch, or a throwaway mistake--I'm a fully whole, completed masterpiece, created with a purpose and for a purpose. God didn't just create you because He was bored and had nothing better to do; He created you with a purpose in mind, because He knew you would do great things in His kingdom, that you would be the perfect life partner for someone else, and that you would have a special place in His heart. ♥
All right, enough mushy stuff. 😂 My point is, when you're choosing what to wear, give yourself thoughtful and sympathetic regard. Don't sell yourself short just because others have used hurtful words against you. You are not trashy. You are classy. You are not a slut. You are a queen. Hold your head high. You don't deserve to walk through life in shame; God doesn't want that for you. He wants you to give yourself the respect you deserve.
That's it. 😂 I think I just about exhausted my words, though there is still so much to say. However, in due time I trust God will inspire me to write what needs to be written. 😊
Until then, much love and God bless!
Hannah xoxo ♥
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